Sky Guide music..... Burnt in to our soul.

Has anyone else been brainwashed by the music that plays over and over and over and over when your choosing something for your viewing pleasure?. Well me have. Its difficult to figure out if there attempting to punish us or make a play for a rage against the machine style Christmas number one!. Anyway we decided to get some answers and find ut more about these infectious little numbers. We contacted sky help on there website and left just as in the dark as before!. Video's to follow of the offending tunes. Below the ill fated convo with sky.

Introducing Kittler...

So basically this article is about Kitty aka Lusty barbs aka Baron Von Trash can's morning bed rage. Now I'm not a morning person but kit takes it to the extreme, and in retrospect its always a good laugh but during her rages its bordering on scary. In her own words to quote "if i had a knife available, i would use it", now short of wearing a god dam stab vest to bed, and making sure there are no sharp implements within easy grasp, the best thing i can do is keep my mouth firmly shut. Now keeping my mouth shut has taken practice as its not in my nature to avoid antagonizing a situation by trying to get her to see how 'unreasonable' or 'unhinged - gulp' her behavior can be!.
Having realized my new strategy of keeping quiet, kitty has resorted to further technique in order to allow her to unleash her frustration. She will ask a reasonable question - to which i will respond - to which she will tell me to shut up and that she hate's me, to which i am perpetually disgusted lol. My mission is (with her permission and approval already sought) to document these happenings and hopefully both make you laugh and get some comments from others who either from suffer from this (dare i say it) awful affliction or are victims of similar actions from their partners.
Just as a little footnote - on occasion kitty has what i have dubbed 'day terrors', this is when her morning behavioral steez starts creeping in to a daytime scenario. Literally as i type this one has occurred, I was asked to leave the room while she takes photo's for eBay because of the following reasons: A) My silly little comments and B) because me being in the room makes it darker, with to quote 'me casting shadows and shit', i have included a diagram describing how this is scientifically improbable if not impossible.

As you can see, if any shadow is cast then its going to be against the back wall, far from kitties photographic activity. There are no rules.

Above - Kittler

Check back for more updates soon.

Stereo vision head on collision

Did anyone have one of these as a kid? there pretty freakin awesome. I remember getting mine from disney land when i was about 8!. The VIEWMASTER was introduced in 1939 how crazy is that!!.

Basically you put a revolving round slide in to it and looked towards the light as if they were sunglasses, and then you would be dazzled by the amazing 3d picture before your very eyes!. Sort f like a retro space age kaleidoscope!.  

You can buy one of these bad boys from fire fox -- BUY HERE!

And check this out as an amazing promo for an album special edition!, The neon trees have there very own view finder with there album picture show! Take a look Here! 

I get so stupid excited about stuff like this, to spite its el stupido nature!. Cool as fuck. 

What is the capital of sri lanka ?

Ok, so again we made it to the car boot sale in Truro on Sunday  This time due to the fine beautiful lovely weather it was held outside rather than in the cell like confines of the indoor cattle market. After experiencing the indoors it reminded me vaguely of when i was younger and in school and the teacher decided to have the lesson outside as the weather was so nice.
Anyhow the place was heaving and there was loads of bargains to be found, however the highlight was the over friendly stall owners. We were kept talking for over 10 mins by a woman who had recently moved to cornwall from essex, who was finding the air here made all the difference to her and her familys health. We could tell she was a bit unhinged as she was dead set on the fact she was going to have a full tropical tan by the end of the day, a bit of an ask mid feb, but she seemed happy conning herself.

After the car boot we decided to go for a few drinks and do the pub quiz in the front falmouth. Too much drinking ensued.

Video's to follow......

Pub quiz legends we are not. kudos on the elbow licking.

5 f**king facts about cornwall

Ok so we live in a county of England called "Cornwall" its the bit at the very end that kinda looks like a penis...

Its the bit in red, and i know what your thinking.... what kind of penis looks like that?. It was just a test gulp.

Now shall we take a closer look!...

The penis peninsula 

We decided to do an educational post about Cornwall in order to fill everyone in on the ins and outs of the rollers Graceland. The following is a list of things synonymous with our beautiful county lol FML feel like a tourist information kiosk.

1. The Cornish pasty 

That's right eat it up, its smoking hot and tasty just like daddy.

The Cornish national dish, a hearty mixture of sweed, potato and fucking steak. Im sure more stuff is in it but i cant be bothered to google it lol (im sure we should know!). The one thing we can promise here in cornwall   is NO HORSE MEAT.

An artists impression of what the deadly horse meat might look like

You eat the pasty with your hands, like a roll. Basically it has a hard crimped side made of pastry as the miners would have the lovely pasty for lunch. There was often arsenic found near tin, and if the miners got arsenic on there hands they would be very poorly and possibly die, during these times people were very poor (and pay day loans didn't exist) so a funeral was out of the question as they were super expensive (only priests were rich in these times, and were eventually responsible for the dawn of the pay day loan). So in order to combat needless expense on numerous funerals the pasty was invented. The miner would hold the tough edge and eat from the other, meaning there mouth would never come in to contact with pastry contaminated by the touch of the human hand. This worked very well as the miners all also suffered from mild o.c.d which meant they couldn't operate properly mentally without knowing there was separation between there food and there grubby grubby hands, which in turn saved there concentration and further funeral possibilities. 

2. MURDERED FACTORY WORKERS

2. Tourists

Cornwall is known as the "Rivera" of England. Yes its a beautiful holiday destination for those unlucky enough to be scared of flying. Yes tourism makes up a  massive part of the Cornish economy and while it is very beautiful it is difficult to fathom why when flights to Spain on easy jet can be obtained for under £50, how anyone in there right sane mind would spend hundreds of pounds coming here to chill out is far beyond me. 

 Which is why i am dubbing Cornwall - 'The holiday destination of the mad'. But frankly its not just the holiday makers who are barking, its the locals too. Ever herd the old saying 'if you shake a stoking all the nuts go to the bottom'?, well its bang on. My favorite Cornish pocket of crazy is St.austell, yes when i lived there i saw my fair share of bizarre behavior. Its common place to join the Que in the post office and the person in front to be talking to themselves with uncalled for aggressiveness, whilst a gentleman drags a toaster past the window. 

All of our hero's are not hero's

Don't be fooled the film straw dogs was set in Cornwall

3.fishing

Cornwall is very famous for its fishing heritage  but we don't do it anymore because its not cost effective, same as tin, at one point we were kicking ass and mining like most of the worlds tin or some shit, but that too is now defunct.Which is why i have decided instead to use this section to tell you about a dream i had where  a man was running after me but instead of arms he had beautiful wings, he spoke in a thick Spanish accent and to spite his lack of regular arms and strange addition of wings, he wore a leather jacket that even in my state of sleep was strangely reminiscent of early 90's TV detective come antiques dealer 'Lovejoy'.

Lovable rouge trader sans wings and Spanish tongue 

4.Surfing 

Surfing in for a quick rape

Surfing is very popular in Cornwall  or so im told. Mainly because of the tremendous surfing conditions on our coastlines, or so im told. Surfers are responsible for a tenth of Cornwall's crime rate, forcing scared single mothers to invest in protection such as flame throwers and panic room's. That's not at all true im sorry. Not having any interest in surfing im finding it ever so difficult to write about it with any passion, so not to disappoint i thought i would stay true to form and totally change the subject. 

How good is that.

5. Cornish second names

Everyone in Cornwall who is Cornish has one of the following second names - Davies, Pascoe or Rowe. Again im totally lying but there really is allot of these types about, and if your ever down this neck of the woods, you will do well to blend in by choosing one as a 

Cornish pseudonym. Doing this may result in local discount's on drinks and save you a trip to a hospital. 

Dear Mr reader, we accept the fact we had to sacrifice a whole blog post on Cornwall to tell you about how wrong we are. But we think your crazy to expect an essay rather than a vague rundown of loosely affiliated items attempting to define 'who we are', in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

We found that each one of us eats a pasty, is a surfer, is not a fisherman or a miner, is a Pascoe or a Davies, or relies on the money spent by an insane tourist. I hope this answers your question. Yours sincerely , the cornish club. 

Ok, so we quite clearly spend entirely too much time picking through the bowels of the internet attempting to find clippings of the most twisted or bizarre sites available  I guess its kinda like the whole things a collage and your drawn to the most interesting or strange pictures. If were all honest there is nothing like finding something of which you can't justify or that when you ask yourself "why or how does this exist" - your left with nothing but a grin and a puzzled expression  People are bad ass strange, and this section celebrates this in full. Today's strange site is amazing, totally and utterly bamboozling  who does this or why is a question that cannot be answered. Highlights include the tightrope act and story number two (not to give too much away). We did write our own story in response but sadly there is no email address for fan work guuuutttttteeed.
Over 18's only... lol

Visit :Cunt Circus

Super bowl super face, Beyonce performs "if i were a monster"

Catfish Suicide Pact

Were commemorating the death of long standing pet's and dear friend's Fredrico dela madonna (age 10) and the lovely Chris de burgh (age 2). How little we knew thee. Fredrico decided to end it all and commit suicide   after a year of bullying by fellow tank resident Debby dry tears the pleco. He lay on his side and prepared to drown, sadly we couldn't talk him off the ledge. His buddy Chris joined him in death only seconds later and will also be sadly missed. Included are some upcoming items on Kitastrophy clothing loosely (very) inspired by the life and times of our fellows. 

R-Kelly getting Down with a Berreta

What can we say, R-kelly's hip-hopera "trapped in the closet" is a masterpiece of strangeness, so awful you can't stop watching. There's nothing we like more than when celebrities have very public artistic breakdowns, especially when they involve a dwarf and more twists and turns than a special needs break dancing troop. This is part one of about 1 million, so if you haven't already watched it we suggest you start your hip hop ambulance chasing right here, enjoy!.

We miss you Christmas Gary

We went to The Eagle in Plymouth for some drinks before Christmas shopping and met Gary.

Find out more

Steven

This is when Lusty went to London and went to Madame Tussauds.

Find out more

Kurten Call

Peter Kurten the vampire of Dusseldorf with an official kill count of 9.

Find out more

Borrowed some hair

Enough said.

Alright sunshine's!, me and Baron Von Trash Can (Kitty) got jacked up on some pear and elderflower fizzy water and set to work figuring out some uber snazzy ways for me to wear this frantically awesome shirt. Now it might remind you of when the Beatles wrote the white album in India meets the good the bad and the ugly but we had a lot of fucking fun. Remember all items available soon on kitastrophy clothing, some awesome one off bits and bobs, odds and sods. Who loves ya baby, I'm going to be sick.

The good, the bad and the stupid.

(Vintage 70's lace shirt, Trad kafiya in white and red, brown fedora)

00fail

(Cheep monday skinny jeans, that vintage shirt, mad stupid skills)

Banned from the club

(customized Vintage leather look biker jacket) 

Howdy mam im here for the child.

(3 quarter length suede coat with black fur lining)

Dagmar, i did not think it would fit.

(our personal fav, and my new killer facebook profile pic)

So anyway we probably shaved a few years off our lives all the smoking we did during this evening so were thinking of giving up...soon. Remember to check out our items on eBay @ kitastrophy clothing.