Friday, 22 March 2013

The Jewish Ghetto Diet -

 Listen up fat fucks!, are you sick of being stared at for all the wrong reason, called piggy and crying in to your pillow every night wishing you looked like all the hot people from the magazines?.
Well now i have the answer to all your problems.
With the diet you dont have to deprive yourself. You can eat white bread and chocolate in fact they are the main food groups of the diet. So if your looking for a healthy eating plan thats good for you then now is a good time to stop reading and fuck off!. 
This diet is the complete opposite but wields super fast results that will turn you from a fat hobbit to a super skinny supermodel in no time at all!.
Let me explain. Basically, you mainly eat white toast (it must be white). Between 4-6 slices a day, will power depending. You eat either half a slice to a slice every 3-4 hours. In between you can have a few squares of chocolate if you need to or some of the following:

1 cracker with cheese
Half a bag of crisps 
8 chips with mayo
2 roast potato with scampi (chicken pieces or chicken dippers)
A tiny amount of chicken
2 bites of cake 
Half a yogurt
A tiny bit of mash and gravy 

Make sure you only have one of these lovely options (and only 2 a day along with 4 slices of bread). You can also have a square of chocolate every time you feel faint, or a toffee coffee (coffee with golden syrup topped with squirt cream topped with syrup) or any tea or regular coffee. You must not stray from the instructions or it will not work! (the blame is on you!).
This new super diet is not for the faint hearted.. have you got what it takes to be thin and beautiful?. Fat is the enemy and thinness is not, it only makes you happier and more attractive. It also makes people nicer to you and enables you to wear much nicer clothes.
So all you haters keep hating and keep your opinions to yourself. You make me sick, but that's another story. 

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