Its about time i did another good morning i hate you post. My post today deals with the way in which Von trash can's interpretation of a conversation works when she's in a certain mood. Now i have put together a diagram in order to visually explain what im getting at.

So the middle line represents what you might expect someone to mean when they say something in response to something you have asked or have said, taking in to account the rest of the conversation. The other two lines represent other ways in which the reply might be taken - these can often be mind mindbogglingly disconnected from the subject or imply that the person replying is a "thick twat" in the eyes of the person asking the question or participating in the conversation. Now bare with me people - i know its a bit of a long winded way of explaining this but it will come together (and that's not me doing what im talking about, i just feel its a bit hard to follow). 

For example (this happened yesterday), we were talking about having to send items from our eBay store recorded delivery in order to make sure they are covered by Paypal etc as we have been having a few problems with late delivery with standard postage. To which i replied "if we need to pay more to send the items, then we are going to have to put our postage prices up". Kitty then said in a particularly smug and condescending way "don't be stupid we are not charging people more than we need to, what we will do is find out how much more the postage will be and then change our price accordingly". Obviously this is pretty much the same statement i had just said to her but a slightly longer way around it!. Now i could only assume that kitty had decided that she had the intellectual edge in the conversation. And as such what i had actually said was totally bypassed and predetermined as worthless nonsense or awful gobbledygook even before it had reached the processing part of her brain. In fact though after further investigation she explained to me that she had assumed i meant that i was saying that we should put the price of the postage through the roof, rather than finding out how much the difference in price is and letting our price reflect this. So kitty in that split  second in which i made my perfectly simple 'middle line on the diagram' statement had filled in several blanks that did not exist and assume and create a statement that was or never will be!. I am constantly both amazed and stumped at both the creativity and sheer madness of these misinterpretations!. Kitty i love you and salute you! (and i don't mean anything by that ;-). 

 

Introducing Kittler...

So basically this article is about Kitty aka Lusty barbs aka Baron Von Trash can's morning bed rage. Now I'm not a morning person but kit takes it to the extreme, and in retrospect its always a good laugh but during her rages its bordering on scary. In her own words to quote "if i had a knife available, i would use it", now short of wearing a god dam stab vest to bed, and making sure there are no sharp implements within easy grasp, the best thing i can do is keep my mouth firmly shut. Now keeping my mouth shut has taken practice as its not in my nature to avoid antagonizing a situation by trying to get her to see how 'unreasonable' or 'unhinged - gulp' her behavior can be!.
Having realized my new strategy of keeping quiet, kitty has resorted to further technique in order to allow her to unleash her frustration. She will ask a reasonable question - to which i will respond - to which she will tell me to shut up and that she hate's me, to which i am perpetually disgusted lol. My mission is (with her permission and approval already sought) to document these happenings and hopefully both make you laugh and get some comments from others who either from suffer from this (dare i say it) awful affliction or are victims of similar actions from their partners.
Just as a little footnote - on occasion kitty has what i have dubbed 'day terrors', this is when her morning behavioral steez starts creeping in to a daytime scenario. Literally as i type this one has occurred, I was asked to leave the room while she takes photo's for eBay because of the following reasons: A) My silly little comments and B) because me being in the room makes it darker, with to quote 'me casting shadows and shit', i have included a diagram describing how this is scientifically improbable if not impossible.

As you can see, if any shadow is cast then its going to be against the back wall, far from kitties photographic activity. There are no rules.

Above - Kittler

Check back for more updates soon.