"Dead" cool video -feature length fail

So always got a soft spot for Rob zombies work, i grew up loving Hellbilly Deluxe and since then his film career (House of 1000 corpses, The devils rejects) has been pretty cult awesome. However his recent offering 'The lords of salum' is a massive massive letdown. Its pretty much the slowest most underwhelming horror we have ever watched which we genuinely put on with massively high hopes. Previously his films have always managed to either A)shock r B)create a fantastically sinister vibe, none of which are achieved in this effort. The highlight is the wanking bishops. On the plus side the video to his new single released just 4 days after the film is totally awesome!, check it out!!.

Post drought reading!.

Ok so its been a little while since we have posted, and what can i say, life happens, people change and we don't love you anymore. Actually the latter is a total lie, after all you have to really know somebody before you can begin to love them, and that's subject matter for another blog where your cursor is a trail of stars and the person who writes it signs off with the line "jeez yikes and oopsie's until next time may god be with you". Loads of stuff has been happening which has meant that blogging has been kinda on the back burner.

Im making this post a sort of short compendium of various other post styles we have done in the past.

Kitty just a week ago had a classic morning of terrorism. I awoke and decided to make myself scares by venturing down to the shower before we could exchange "pleasantries" however i was collared and requested to bring up a cup of tea and toast for her, i jumped straight to the task with thumbs up and  manic yet sleepy nodding hoping that my compliance and eventual return with the foodstuffs would either A) buy me some sort of mood immunity or B) fill her mouth with toast long enough to slope off to the shower. I return after making the tea and toast (and coffee for myself) to a closed door in which a voice instructed me to leave the goods for collection in the doorway (it was very much like the pizza situation in home alone 1 "you filthy animal"). The toast was silently collected and door once again shut firmly. I sat on the stairs to drink my coffee in silence after realizing entering the room after such a dramatic and frosty transaction would be argument suicide. After a couple of minutes enjoying looking out the window on the stairwell and  drinking my drink i felt the need to cough, i tried with desperation to hold it back as i realized it would alert her to my stairbound position. The cough was made and my cover was blown, a blood pressure raising few seconds passed after the cough as sweat dripped from my brow. And then it came, a booming voice of discontent "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE SHOWER!". Dear god. 

Me and kitty went to Pizza Express in Truro for some food on orange wed's as there is a text code that you can get to make it BOGOF on all pizzas and as such cinema tickets. We went to watch oblivion but thats another tale. Although Pizza express is always pretty good quality and the pizza always very nice we found the staff (or one in particular) to be slightly deranged. 

Between courses we decided to go outside to smoke. After rolling kitty had obviously dropped her rizzlas on the floor behind her chair as the assumed shift manager of the establishment stood ready to greet us with disgust on our return. She held the Rizzla packet in her hand as if she were holding a childs freshly severed arm (we had just cut off), her face all screwed up and red and full of pure double concentrate hatred. She said but one thing "i think, i think you dropped these". Never before in the history or anything has so little said so much, it was if the surgeon general or head of the nhs had just caught us having a love in "all you can smoke party" where everyone gets naked and has sex and gets pregnant and then calls there children things like "B&H" or "Lambert". We were very disheartened. 

The Jewish Ghetto Diet -

 Listen up fat fucks!, are you sick of being stared at for all the wrong reason, called piggy and crying in to your pillow every night wishing you looked like all the hot people from the magazines?.

Well now i have the answer to all your problems.

With the diet you dont have to deprive yourself. You can eat white bread and chocolate in fact they are the main food groups of the diet. So if your looking for a healthy eating plan thats good for you then now is a good time to stop reading and fuck off!. 

This diet is the complete opposite but wields super fast results that will turn you from a fat hobbit to a super skinny supermodel in no time at all!.

Let me explain. Basically, you mainly eat white toast (it must be white). Between 4-6 slices a day, will power depending. You eat either half a slice to a slice every 3-4 hours. In between you can have a few squares of chocolate if you need to or some of the following:

1 cracker with cheese

Half a bag of crisps 

8 chips with mayo

2 roast potato with scampi (chicken pieces or chicken dippers)

A tiny amount of chicken

2 bites of cake 

Half a yogurt

A tiny bit of mash and gravy 

Make sure you only have one of these lovely options (and only 2 a day along with 4 slices of bread). You can also have a square of chocolate every time you feel faint, or a toffee coffee (coffee with golden syrup topped with squirt cream topped with syrup) or any tea or regular coffee. You must not stray from the instructions or it will not work! (the blame is on you!).

This new super diet is not for the faint hearted.. have you got what it takes to be thin and beautiful?. Fat is the enemy and thinness is not, it only makes you happier and more attractive. It also makes people nicer to you and enables you to wear much nicer clothes.

So all you haters keep hating and keep your opinions to yourself. You make me sick, but that's another story. 

Kitty 

They call me Mellow Yellow

This sat night marks Alexa's (from work) brithday and my first night out in Truro this year... and also 'gasp' my second night out at all this year!.
The whole salon has been buzzing, extreme dieting, tanning and talking about what to wear all week.
Now thanks to my 'Jewish ghetto diet' (which i will be writing a best selling and critically acclaimed book about) i have managed to get my weight down to a 'fuck yeah' 7.4 stone!. All i need now is the perfect dress.
After getting it into my head i want a yellow dress (preferably strapless, bodycon and amazing) i stumble upon this little delightful number from Nasty Gal.

See how beautiful it is !!!!

Alas, short of buying the dress a plane ticket and a miracle there is no way i can get it shipped from the USA in time :-(. So instead, after much internet searching i finally ordered these two little beauties!. 

               Boohoo candy bodycon lime green                                    White bodycon from Missguided 

The Boohoo candy dress i had previously owned in electric blue and the fit is really good, and it looks much better on. The Missguided dress i intended on shortening to an indecent length and dying bright yellow friday night. I will wear whichever looks the most bad ass. I also found this one from Topshop that sadly was out of stock in my size!, SHITBAGS!.

(I actually just found and purchased one of these on eBay, but it will not be here for this weekend)

I shall wear with denim jacket, fringed leather jacket and black rocker boots. I'm also going to sort through my jewelry and wear a ring on every finger.

I want some mint green magnetic nail varnish and will top off with enough hair extensions to cover my entire head!!. 

Eden sessions this year - Eddy Izzard it is then.

Is anyone else in the mind that the Eden sessions this year are a bit rubbish?. Its all acts that i would prefer to have seen  good few years ago!. Sigur Ros wuld have been amazing to see around the ( ) time or just after, Kaiser Chiefs are one of those bands everyone goes to see if they dont have a better offer and lets be honest apart from old "oh my god i cant believe it" what is there (maybe im being harsh i could mention a few). Sure The XX are pretty current, but personally i find there albums a bit sleepy and if im going to watch them it would be in a sweaty basement club that's really dark and moody,  or a divan bed with headphones. Other than that Eddy Izzard will be good im sure.

Reading festival 2013 line up rumours and wish list discussion

Ok so we are getting some of the bands expected at this years reading festival. Who do you want to see, who are you happy to already have been announced?. We want The gaslight anthem in there!. Well happy about Nine Inch nails, Brand new and foals on the line up so far.

Leather Forever No matter the weather feat Nasty Gal and all saints

No matter what the season is your safe with a kick ass leather jacket.. Some amazing examples are available even for a reasonably manageable price (OK its fake, but if your feeling pretentious you could call it vegan leather LOL - and lets be fair its that cut we are looking for). 

Studs, pastel colours, fringed, biker, zips etc all a different take on the quintessential classic wardrobe staple.

Try here: Nasty Gal and All Saints and always keep your eyes open on eBay for that bargain hunt.

New Thirty seconds to mars song has rocked up! - Listen to "up in the air" here!

In Wake of the new album due may 20th - 30 seconds have released new song "up in the air".

"This is a really important album for us. It's an evolution... this album is more of who we are than we have ever been before," singer Jared Leto. 

LOVE LUST FAITH + DREAMS album cover is designed by the lovely Damian Hirst 

The single was sent up in to space as a super pompous publicity stunt in nasa's Xrocket.

Leto lets the cat out the bag and admits "new album will be the most intimate, most bombastic and darkest (just like my modeling) record we have ever done"

Oh my god i just realized im starting to hate Jared Leto, there taking all this entirely too seriously, its like a fucking star trek convention.

                                                  No Tiger this time :( instead a stupid old zebra Grrrrr  !!

                                                 

 Damian does something totally unique, not. "Damo, we told you before to stop painting different coloured spots!".

Tell us what you think of the new single and artwork... Lets get some opinions going!.

Late Night Website Wishlist Binge and Purge

Hypebeast - Some amazing items on this quirky fashion site!

 




                                "Designer Mark McNairy left leopard print Varsity jacket voted one of Americas best new designers GQ"

LOMO never looked so F%$king Bad ass!

Lomography is an analog camera movement and community, and is also a commercial trademark of Lomographische AG. The Lomographic Society International was founded in 1992 by a group of Viennese students after they discovered the Lomo LC-Acamera^[1] created by LOMO PLC of Saint Petersburg, Russia. Since 1995, Lomography has been the sole distributor of that camera outside of the former Soviet Union, and has since moved into producing their own range of analog cameras, and other imports such as the Diana camera.

The Lomographic Society was formed in 1992 and maintains a strong community following through the internet. They have worked with Light for the World to raise money for vision care in Kenya, and with the International Red Cross for famine relief in East Africa. The online community allows the sharing of images and techniques, and celebrity lomographic camera owners include Elijah Wood,Neil Gaiman and The White Stripes

 

 More McNairy with this gotham vest

Hankie Arms race
















                                                                                                "All items available at www.hypebeast.com"

Penis pasta

£50 drink that changes everything

                                     

The first rollers logo way back over a swan horse

                                     

 Bomb scare in Truro

 Forced the bouncer to admit that we are...

 A picture of me being disemboweled when kitty was mad at me

 007

 Natural Easer?!

Double trouble (ahahahaha im going to be sick i said that)

Shoes designed for a long distance relationship

Has anyone ever bought something that looks so amazingly bad ass that you could not even for one moment believe that they would not work. I did this a few months ago with what i thought could be the shoes of my dreams. The shoes looked like they were forged from 80's new romantic or rockabilly perfection only to be sculpted by Robert smith and a cool pirate. Sadly on arrival the reality of the shoes was so far removed once on i have never been able to wear them!. Yes i knew they were pointy, but i did not realize i would be the chief winkle picker!. I still have them and enjoy looking at them, and somewhere inside me i think im still holding out hope that i will wake up some day and they will somehow work,  or that fashion will move back to an extreme pointy toe and i will be the coolest kid. Ahhhh maybe one day.

Just look at them.... WHHHHHYYYY.

Its about time i did another good morning i hate you post. My post today deals with the way in which Von trash can's interpretation of a conversation works when she's in a certain mood. Now i have put together a diagram in order to visually explain what im getting at.

So the middle line represents what you might expect someone to mean when they say something in response to something you have asked or have said, taking in to account the rest of the conversation. The other two lines represent other ways in which the reply might be taken - these can often be mind mindbogglingly disconnected from the subject or imply that the person replying is a "thick twat" in the eyes of the person asking the question or participating in the conversation. Now bare with me people - i know its a bit of a long winded way of explaining this but it will come together (and that's not me doing what im talking about, i just feel its a bit hard to follow). 

For example (this happened yesterday), we were talking about having to send items from our eBay store recorded delivery in order to make sure they are covered by Paypal etc as we have been having a few problems with late delivery with standard postage. To which i replied "if we need to pay more to send the items, then we are going to have to put our postage prices up". Kitty then said in a particularly smug and condescending way "don't be stupid we are not charging people more than we need to, what we will do is find out how much more the postage will be and then change our price accordingly". Obviously this is pretty much the same statement i had just said to her but a slightly longer way around it!. Now i could only assume that kitty had decided that she had the intellectual edge in the conversation. And as such what i had actually said was totally bypassed and predetermined as worthless nonsense or awful gobbledygook even before it had reached the processing part of her brain. In fact though after further investigation she explained to me that she had assumed i meant that i was saying that we should put the price of the postage through the roof, rather than finding out how much the difference in price is and letting our price reflect this. So kitty in that split  second in which i made my perfectly simple 'middle line on the diagram' statement had filled in several blanks that did not exist and assume and create a statement that was or never will be!. I am constantly both amazed and stumped at both the creativity and sheer madness of these misinterpretations!. Kitty i love you and salute you! (and i don't mean anything by that ;-). 

 

Items of the week camo-leopard-ating-crossomatick-stud work

Ok so studded collar shirt - self studded. Bought some studs off eBay for around £4.00 and went to town on some old shirts i liked the pattern on, saving loads of money on £25-£50 studded collar shirts on the market.

Leopard print trainers available from Primark for just £8.00!!.

Cross and Rams head also Primarni at £2.00 each (available from ebay at similar price inc postage).  

Camouflage Surplus thick shirt from Camden market £15.00.

PLYMOUTH, LONDON, FALMOUTH, BUST

Drake circus Plymouth

Amazing shakes in Plymouth

The Worlds worst collage 

Ok so we have had a week or so without blogging as we have been on a trip to the big ol' smoke. We went to visit friends and go to good old Camden. as per usual we hit the Megabus up for class A transport. The travel side of things went pretty fucking quick apart from an incident in which we payed £1.80 for what turned out to be a cup of hot water. Our faith in humanity was restored when the bus driver turned water in to wine and dragged me in to the inner workings of the bus station in Exeter, to a seedy cafe/den kitchen where illegal opium sales and people trading appeared to be taking place and kindly put coffee in our two pound hot water.

We arrived at our budget hotel and proceeded to drink a bottle of vodka for our sins. We went to see a great band in club Koko in Camden called Kid Champion, who were pretty awesome!. Club Koko is ace, in an old theater with loads of history. Koko was the first place that Madonna played in the uk. 

We found our way back to the hotel after about 2 hours of drunken walking, it was only round the corner. 

The next day we made our way to camden (our fav place in london, if not the world). We went round the market, had a few drinks and then headed to the food area to get some kick ass stuff. 

Amazing wedges in the Camden eye pub

Brazilian donuts with cream and chocolate 

Kitty outside The Camden lock

The worlds most pro meat article found on the tube

We then headed off to our friends Disco Stu and Pawony house for a party in Plumsted, which was pretty messy. We woke up in the morning with just 1 hour to get to victoria coach station. We made it by the skin of our teeth and still had time to buy fried chicken.

We arrived back in Cornwall and to catch up with jen we spent the day in Falmouth.

Thus concludes our week of doing things.